"If you work harder, you will get luckier" per Anita Sarawak dictum.

8-六月-2012 

已经很久没写了, 今晚又再想起我们以前的种种. 理想把我们系在一起, 但理想也把我们给分开. 年纪越大, 感慨就越多. 我曾经写过"原来我是可以哭着醒来".......他们总以为我是很乐观的, 孰不知我本来就很容易伤感. 一点点的事故, 都可以让我伤心一整天. 你们总是笑我多愁善感, 可是你们自己还不是一样? 我们总是带着面具, 人前人后两个样. 人们都说戏子无情, 可是我们却是多情种, 可能是因为这样, 所以我们都待不了这圈子吧? 你们离去也有十年了, 可我的心还是跟十年前一样. 多希望十年前我就消失, 也不必这样孤单了...........

everyday is a brand new challenge. even we still will meet the same group of people, but the unexpected is always exist. everyday we read news, because there is always something new for us to read as news. isn't life is wonderful?

spoon feeding, is not a new term that invented yesterday. in dictionary, it merely represents a word. in life, it is a norm, or more accurately, it is a culture. it is rooted since the day i was undergone education, from elementary to tertiary level.

this culture, for me, had made me fend for the elder to provide everything for me, anything at all. what you sow is what you reap, as the saying goes. i was so lost when i first made my step to university. i was alone, a few hundred kilometers from home. even friends were around, but in the end of the day, i still have to manage my own business. i was alike a new born baby, everything was so new to me by that time. that was the first time in my life to wash my clothing, my first time to sleep until missed the class, and the rest.

everything seems so fine until the first day of first lesson. the professor never supply any note, but indeed projected a few slides of books, journals, references, my God, there were almost a hundred of them. after we had jotted down the lists, the prof started his story. i was as if in mist at that material time, million of questions popped up in my mind, why the prof did not distribute any note? why the prof did not take attendance? why the prof never explain the purpose of the list? why the prof did not tell us how to study this subject? why the prof gave the assignment but never show us the format, method, approach, reference books, websites, or any relevant methodology to do it? all sort of questions revolving my mind but i reached to no answer.

one assignment, but there was only one question, what the hack? duration for this assignment is one month? what? just to prove one equation? so simple? one month? my mind, at that moment, only full of question marks.

i tried all sort of ways that my bird brain could think of to solve the question. the result is obvious, i failed. out of options, i have to forgo my pride and dignity, there is only one way to overcome the issue, i must go for consultation. as expected, i was scolded, humiliated, laughed and teased.

the only way to solve the question, was to read and read and read a lot of reference books, access to a lot of journals, visited to a lot of websites, consulted a lot of helpful seniors and professors. every step in the solutions, in actual case is representing a phase change in atomic structure. all these were really eyes opening and shocked to me at that time. i never realize that each of the mathematical steps were actually representing something happening during the phase changed. behind the steps, there were so much of theories and concept that i needed to understand before i works out the solution. God, this was so astonishing!

the previous culture really put me in serious trouble, the spoon feeding system. i love the system so much during my golden schooling life. everything was well prepared, i just need to follow the procedures and the way or the steps, then guarantee i will obtain my result. "A" is always in palm without much effort. but, everything changed, from heaven to hell, when i was there. no one will prepare anything for you, non at all. hoping for a lending hand? only in your own sweet dream. from library search to consultation, i had to fend for myself, friends can only contribute ideas as they have their own assignments to take care of. presentation goes public, any passer by can project a question to you, and it is expected that you must answer the question that pointed to you. imagine you were not well prepared, the outcome? you think of it.

at the early stage, i was so down and lost. i hated the professors. they were cruel, mean, sarcastic and bestial. we are new, so why want to treat us like that? we are fresh, so why not show some sympathy? we are young, so why not give us some guidelines? provide nothing but ask for everything, what they think we are? why the scholarship holders not deserving any privilege? why everyone is treated equally and same? why i can't choose my own members but to assign to the "noob" group? why am i burning candle at both ends but the rest just enjoying a happy joyride? it is not fair, at all.

thanks to God, i didn't take a long time to realize that i am the one that actually acted childish and "noob". everyone is unique and good in something, there is no one who is perfect. simple thing as library search, sounds like it is very easy, but indeed, if you were newbie, you will lose in library, there are so many sections and subsections, without the proper knowledge and experience, you will ended up spending whole day in library without finding the journal or book that you are seeking for. when you solving the question, if your understanding is not strong and thorough, or worse if you misconception, you will never ever be able to solve the problem. we learn from each other when we are in group, and we help each other out.

from hate, i started to love my professors. they made us realize that in real life, everyone has to depend on each other, and learn from each other. they make us realize that spoon feeding method will never bring us to achieve greater success, and never bring us to true understanding. there is no issue of racist, no issue of smart or stupid, but the issue of diligent or idleness. study days and nights will not guarantee the success, but only true understanding can bring you to the higher level, and higher joy, higher achievement and higher confidence.

study with quality, not study with quantity.

such a century i never blog here. not because of i am being sluggish, but merely out of thought.

after my dearest friend past away recently, i been living in blue. i had million of questions which i could not find the answer. at that moment, i lost myself. world is no longer cheerful, life is no longer bliss, lives no longer blessed. i started to cast myself away from everyone. sound ironic, isn't it?

we can make friends facilely, but to get one real heart to heart buddy, it is rugged. not everyone will wear their heart at sleeve. everyone is wearing a mask when they communicate to each other, everyone always has an agenda at the back, personally.

what you get in return after you shown your heart to others? appreciation? compliment? gratefulness? blessing? stop poking a monkey out of yourself! everyone takes things for granted, no one bother what you have done for them! hoping for "thank you" is mere crying for moon.

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over. the saying is always truth. over the many moons ago, i was holding on that everyone will treasure the friendship that built between you and me, it was a fetters that chained us together. after his death, he left me a realization, no one actually do care about anyone. it was just a game, a game of life. everyone is so fake! hypocrite! friend, is just a tool to achieve something, merely a stepping stone in your life. thanks to him, by attending his funeral, i saw, i observed, i learn and i realized! thank you, Tommy, even the time you left me, you still let me learn a lesson, a most prominent lesson to me in my life.

life should be defined as sharing or selfish? i doubt! i have no idea, i am lost. i have no direction at this material time. everyone is using his own yardstick of conscience to make the measurement, including the dubious me. hope against hope, i pray for answer. unfortunately, God never answer me.

what is the point of sharing? when no one seems to acknowledge my deed, in return, i been labeled as a cock-a-hoop! braggart! i should have shut myself off from now on. to safeguard myself, to bulwark my safety. all the while i thought argument will bring to enhance understanding, brain storming will lead to ameliorate comprehension, however, the bring about proven me wrong, absolutely wrong. practical result never superimpose with the ideal hypothesis. everyone is two faced. everything can ended up by the other side of the coin.

i should put on my mask.

5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

1. MAKE the time to read this and return it.
2. PRAY the prayer with sincerity.
3. TRUST God to deliver on His promises.

Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.

My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

The prayer:

Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

(If the Lord lays upon your heart to send this to more than four people, you are truly blessed).
Amen.

Be careful how you entertain strangers, whereby some have entertained angels
Don't let your day go on without reading this first, no matter how busy you may be!!!

The Pink Dress
There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.

Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.

Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak.

She never said a word.

Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there.

Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.

For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress.

It was grotesquely shaped.

I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, 'Hello.'

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a 'Hi ' after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I asked the girl why she was so sad.

The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, 'Because, I'm different.'

I immediately said, 'That you are,' and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, 'I know.'

'Little girl,' I said, 'you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent.'

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said,
'Really?'
'Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by.'

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said 'I am.'

'I'm your Guardian Angel,' with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, 'For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done'.

I got to my feet and said, ' Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?'

She looked at me, smiled, and said, 'You're the only one that could see me,' and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you.

Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to let them know you're glad they care about you.

Like the story says, we all need someone.

And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way

The value of a friend is measured in the heart.

I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.

Have a wonderful and blessed day!

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - a comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate, so timely, so true.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.....Who cares?

George Carlin

When life is hard and
Payday is still so far away
And when the salary comes it's not enough
there is only one thing to do

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I

Bring a Smile to someone today, Share this cutie

when you offer someone something, the offeree not only show no sign of appreciation, but turn around and poke fun of you, making you looks like a moron, how you react?

it takes all kind to make a world. i always believe in these and i respect this.

sometimes, patient is not a virtue. when the time comes, you should just make a change.

meek as a lamb will bring no good. i shall let those knows who is the bee knees after all.

i will set them free, since they r hopeless n worthless. they don't deserve to have my mercy and kindness. everything i done was casting a pearl to swine. they are just like a lamb to the slaughter.

recently i am kind of emotional. i am more like Alternating Current, desperate at this moment and become cheer at the next second. i think myself is kind of insane, and likes to make badinage all the time. something is wrong somewhere. unfortunately, i failed to troubleshoot the short circuit.

emotion and feeling fluctuates like simple harmonic motion. the decease keeps circulating my mind. i can only makes raillery to lighten my sorrow. speechless. mind is not functioning.

will continue when i free.

Diamonds are hard to find but not hard to break.

What is the hardest thing to break then?

Think...

Think...

Think again...

Think again...

Scroll down for the answer but only after thinking, OK? Don't give up. Winners never quit. Quitters never win.

Answer: You really don't know???

The answer is: HABIT

If you break the H, you still have A BIT. If you break the A, you still have BIT. If you break the B, you still have IT!!!

Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the 'I'. The person at the end of the day, is the root of all the problems. Cute???

Now, I know why HABIT is so hard to break. Its destiny is in its name. The word itself.

My lecturer taught me never, never, never to ASSUME . Because it makes an 'ASS' out of 'U' and 'ME'...

Dear all drivers,
>
> When you travel to Penang or around mainland, please extra be careful with
> this old and damaged Honda Accord car PAM 6188. Don't ever let this car to
> drive near to you. He will drive near to you and scratch your car and then
> flee away. If you press horn at him, he will purposely stop at the middle
> of the road and show you finger. Then if you drive again, he will again
> stop at the middle of the road.
>
> He will repeat this on the road a few times as a punishment to those horn
> at him. If you are unaware of this, then you might caught into accident.
> Furthermore, he was driving in and out the lane regardless there is any
> motorcyle or cars.
>
> This crazy driver is an old chinese man aged about
> 60yrs. He is driving an old damaged look Honda Accord.
> We suspected he is mentally sick through his driving
> behavior. I attached his car photos and plat number for you all. Just be
> extra carefull !!!!

collapsing...

life is perfect because of friendships;
fate brought us together, we hold on to each other, we rely on each other,
we sails our journey on the named "Friend for life" ship,
no matter what happen, we always have each other!

hands always reachable;
support always there,
mind always readable;
smiley always available!

success always cost a fortune;
but friendship always have the remains,
we always in the same fine tune;
without you, tears falls like rain!

sweet memory suppose to be sweet, or bitter?
i no longer can tell the taste;
am i here to enjoy or suffer?
sad story just alike drama's script, copy and paste!

older means wiser, or suffer?
old friend is like wain, but cannot rewind!
i desperately wanted to replay the life player,
but i can't hold nor grasp anything, its gone like wind!

memory can recall,
but life can't restore;
the number can never be dialed nor call,
because the recipient is no longer at store.

i used to say you have a unsound mind,
but you never mind,
because in your mind,
friendship is what you mind.

we used to bet our friendship will last forever,
i always say never!
now i feel like a sinner,
i should agreed with you, and make the wish together!

remember? we sworn that our friendship will never change,
no matter what happen,
we fetter ourselves with the pledge,
even the attacks getting sharpen!

it is easy to make friends,
but it is arduous to get a true friend,
money can buy fake friends,
but diamond can't buy a true friend.

life is perfect because of you,
life is imperfect, also because of you!

am i blessed to have you,
or
am i cursed to have you?

i savor my life because of you,
now,
i suffer because i lost you!

who will join me to peep on girls again?
who will join me to laugh at others again?
who will listen to my complains again?
who will enjoy nice food with me again?
who will give me hands again?
who will motivate me again?
who will scold me again?
who will surprise me again?
who will drive me again?
who will give me all kinds of memory again?
who? who? who? who?

why do this to me??????
face is smiling, but heart is blooding...................
how long should i living in such a manner............................

Live n enjoy while i can...no need to think twice...life is too short to have fun...

my new msn : lorddiablondukedota@live.com

lets conquer the world n i shall be the ruler...of the animal kingdom!

after we had our name printed on history, so what? in the end of the day, we will still be buried 6' under...

appreciate whoever you love, never hesitate to express your love to anyone you love, before it is too late...life never take 2, just do whatever you want to do by today...is today a full stop or just a new beginning? will the pain heal without leaving any scar in the kernel of heart? can the crack in the nutshell of memory be sealed? can the stain in the memory tome be cleaned? can the laguna of the confusion be clarify?

the flowers blooming along the memory, are they prepared to celebrate the tomorrow's success or tomorrow's funeral? the fruits that bear are prepared for the ceremony of achievement or to place at the altar for the decease?

the glass is suppose to fill with wain or tears? the document suppose to be a "Degree" or a "Death Certificate"? the moment should be jolly or heart-broken? why in the blink of eyes, everything changes? why death is so silent? why the pain is so killing? breathless and drowning in memory, God, sweet memory is a silent killer, killing softly and unconsciously!

friendship can penetrate anything...
friendship is the best armor for everything...

friends always prepare a shoulder for me to cry on...
friends always prepare a shield for me whenever i need one...
friends always gives me a hand when i urge for...
friends always those i fend on...

i don't know what else can i say but.............................................................................
i missssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu