"If you work harder, you will get luckier" per Anita Sarawak dictum.

i no longer holding on to belief that doing good will returns good.

life is never fair. when you wear your heart at your sleeve, people will take advantage on you and make you as an idiot. they take everything for granted.

i can cast myself away and try not to muddle others business, but some people just relish to poke a monkey out of me. i think its been to long to be mr. nice, it is time to turn the dark knight to the joker.

i am sure everyone is a two faced. it is just the matter of whether the "yang" will conquer the "ying" or reciprocal. i need to strike a balance between the two. i remain silent never means that i surrender my rights nor i am mute. i closed my eyes does not mean that i am blind. it is a waste of breath to play nice to those who can never appreciate what you have done to them. i should just twiddle my thumbs and be a watcher.

why should i belt myself to your problem? i borrowed my ears, i reached out my hands, i tried to converge to your conundrum, but in the end, what did i get? i am just playing my own concert, alone and solo. i still can bear with the zero response, i never expected any echo. the question is, am i deserve all of these? i sow everything but i reap nothing. thank god, now i can define "effortless", hereafter.

mr nice is not problem free. i am not saint. thank god, eventually i realize there is no one is standing by me when i cry for help. even i hunger for a shoulder to rely on, but there is just no one, no one at all. hope against hope, and hope demise gradually.

all the time i been too naive to belief that everyone will have someone to hinge on. the truth is, everybody need nobody to bank on. relationship is not alike saving in bank, which it grow with interest daily. it is more akin heavy nuclei, which it decay by time elapse. affinity is ditto to business, everything is about lucre.

i have paid what i should pay, but why still i have no say?

nice will invite artifice,
sincerity will be rewarded mutiny,
loyal will get betrayal,
fidelity warrant a treachery,
honesty returns a perfidy.

"making good to others means making worse to yourself." one of my best friend told me before.
"you are sinner if you make others better." another just told me.

i am so glad that i still having somebodies with me when i am so depress and down, i feel like it is like the end of the world. all of the sudden, those i assumed and tagged them as "satan" becomes the angels that lend me their ears and shoulders, but all the angels that i knew for so long just vanquish to no where when i summon them.

all the morons that criticize and being harsh on me all the time, behind their veil, they are actually the seraphims that guardian me all the time, but i show no sign of appreciation at any material time. they never let me hovering in sadness and confusion, even though they are jarring, but they are always there for me. one man medicine is another man's poison. sometimes, poison is comparable to medicine as well, it might hurt at first, but it cure.

Thank God, You ultimately compel me to uphold those i refused to belief for so long. Now, i should bowed to the truth. everything is just a metaphor. i shall seek for what i deserve, i should weigh the necessary evil between the two devils. i must gratify myself.

inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...this will be history from now on.

sinner and preacher, depends on circumstances.

it is time, an eye for an eye.