"If you work harder, you will get luckier" per Anita Sarawak dictum.

last night i kept thinking of whether i am really so irresponsible as described by the one. all the while i just try to be as friend and lecturer for the students, as i think some of them are alone over here, and they are new, so it is just by virtue of morality and humanity stand that i offer my help. just because i refuse to answer the questions that not related to my subject and because of that i been quoted irresponsible? is it fair to quote a person just from his saying and acting? why one can not distinct between jokes and harsh? i am used to say 'i dont know' all the time, everyone that know me should know this, just like some people always say 'right', 'ya' and so on.

thanks to one that make me realize that all the time i had been crossed the line between the student and lecturer. i violated my profession rules, and my superior had warned me since the first day i was here but i just took it easily and recklessly. for that time i just thought that it was so unfair and sounds not humane to the students. why everything must follow rules? should not be when the time rules should become a bit flexible and not so rigid? i thought it is good that if there is always some tolerances. But until now, finally i realized my mistake and now i know why they stipulate that kind rules. Thanks to God, it is still not late to fix the troubles that emerged and caused by me. I prays to God so that i can now have the strength to carry out my duty without any concern. i should take a firm stand to run my duty without any doubts.

all the time i always listen to students and try to solve their problems as i could, i always changed the due date, giving a lot assignments and tutorials so that from there i can choose the highest for them, in order for them to get highest marks as possible for coursework. i admitted that i am not suppose to do this, but still i do it. but the ending always that 'he is very troublesome and demanding one, always ask us to do a lot of things', i know all these comments from my ex-students, but why should i care? i know what i am doing, i do not have to tell everyone the reason why i want to do this and that! i never think that i want to be sounds like so hollistic, but one the facts that i just want to help. i am a student as well, so i know.

i think now it is time for me to revert back to the standard lecturer. i sworn to myself that i will change and try not to cross the line again. everything should follow rules and regulations. once i violate the rules and regulations, then there is no defence for myself. but if i follow rules and regulations, at least i still can defence myself base on the laws.

thanks God for letting me facing this kind of sitituation. even i am so and badly hurt, but i will regain my strength and do my best, these i promise to myself.

thanks for all of you for the advices and support and spent your golden time to listen and to lighten all my sadness that i gone through. i love you guys.