"If you work harder, you will get luckier" per Anita Sarawak dictum.

such a century i never blog here. not because of i am being sluggish, but merely out of thought.

after my dearest friend past away recently, i been living in blue. i had million of questions which i could not find the answer. at that moment, i lost myself. world is no longer cheerful, life is no longer bliss, lives no longer blessed. i started to cast myself away from everyone. sound ironic, isn't it?

we can make friends facilely, but to get one real heart to heart buddy, it is rugged. not everyone will wear their heart at sleeve. everyone is wearing a mask when they communicate to each other, everyone always has an agenda at the back, personally.

what you get in return after you shown your heart to others? appreciation? compliment? gratefulness? blessing? stop poking a monkey out of yourself! everyone takes things for granted, no one bother what you have done for them! hoping for "thank you" is mere crying for moon.

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over. the saying is always truth. over the many moons ago, i was holding on that everyone will treasure the friendship that built between you and me, it was a fetters that chained us together. after his death, he left me a realization, no one actually do care about anyone. it was just a game, a game of life. everyone is so fake! hypocrite! friend, is just a tool to achieve something, merely a stepping stone in your life. thanks to him, by attending his funeral, i saw, i observed, i learn and i realized! thank you, Tommy, even the time you left me, you still let me learn a lesson, a most prominent lesson to me in my life.

life should be defined as sharing or selfish? i doubt! i have no idea, i am lost. i have no direction at this material time. everyone is using his own yardstick of conscience to make the measurement, including the dubious me. hope against hope, i pray for answer. unfortunately, God never answer me.

what is the point of sharing? when no one seems to acknowledge my deed, in return, i been labeled as a cock-a-hoop! braggart! i should have shut myself off from now on. to safeguard myself, to bulwark my safety. all the while i thought argument will bring to enhance understanding, brain storming will lead to ameliorate comprehension, however, the bring about proven me wrong, absolutely wrong. practical result never superimpose with the ideal hypothesis. everyone is two faced. everything can ended up by the other side of the coin.

i should put on my mask.