"If you work harder, you will get luckier" per Anita Sarawak dictum.

"we are fortunate to do what we want."

i quoted this dictum while Celine Dion dictated it in her latest concert. God, thank you so much for your blessing. i kept on repeating "amen and hallelujah" when i am watching her concert. man, don't you agree with what she had just said?

she seems to relish and savor her concert so much, but my feeling even higher. the tones and harmonics from her as like the syringe that make me lose myself, the pitches and beats drown me to be stupefied. God, she has the perfect and flawless vocal. the talent and astonishment are hiding behind her veil. she may not be the most beautiful for me, but she is definitely the torpedo voice machine.

the maxim replayed in my bird brain when today someone asked me what is my revolution for the new year. Gosh, i do/did have a Great Wall long list of revolutions, but the essence of the list are actually a few, namely the first: as sound as a bell, secondly, be sonsy as possible, thirdly, be blithe as possible, of course, i do wish that my business will become lucrative as possible and a quantum leap in my study...

i am not a sinner nor a preacher. what you sow is what you reap, i do hope i can do more good than bad in the new aeon. sometimes, it is still a need for us to do the necessary evil, ain't we? let's not forgetting to make a wish upon the stars for a new life, my wish? facile, i just want to "debug" + "fix" + "review" + "reform" my attitude and my "Q"s (IQ, EQ, SQ, etc).

my ears always borrowed to others even though sometimes i needed them desperately for my own. my hands always reached out to others even sometimes i almost break my arms. Rome wasn't built in a day, one man medicine is one man poison, i should learn to say "no" when it is the right time to spell out the word. refusal and rejection almost never happen on me. i think that is the reason why i been labeled "slut" to somebodies.

sometimes,
i lend my ears but they are deviated to wall, i reach out my hands but they reach to no one. the feeling is kind of hurt. i feel lonely, abundant, ignore, cast away, isolate, quarantine and forlorn. i open the door of my heart but only flies and mosquitoes enter. i heard the cries for help, but the reply from me never answered. am i not qualify or not up to par or the offer i render will not confer any benefits or ...i am sorry, i am lost.

i am very loquacious, i admit. thanks to it, sometimes i offended someone without heeding it. over here, i wish to apology for any offenses that i committed. whether it was intentionally or unintentionally or unconsciously, please pardon me. i am begging for mercy. i am all the time fiddle while Rome burns. i am not as bright as some people, as they proclaim themselves, i am merely making a monkey out of myself when i echoed that i am "smart". I am not. that is merely a joke.

i am upholding good in my left hand while my right hand is raising the bad. i am angel and devil at one time. i think i am kind of two-faced. if you are bad, i will be worse, if you are good, then i will be better. how you treat me is how i treat you back in double.

i tussle to become a better man. i hold on my faith that i will battle my own fight, without any interferences from others. i am not superman, i do need a shoulder to rely on, but most of the times, i wish to rage my battle by my own, i want to bear the fruit of success with my naked hands. i do belief in fate, but i am more comfortable to accept the result if i sweat myself and shed my tears and blood. i used to count on people helps, since it is a new eon, i hope God will restore my strength to be self dependence.

"respect yourself before you asking others to respect you", i learn this when i was in primary. my teacher used to say this to us. it takes time to apprehend the true meaning of the phrase. don't ask me cause i am still in the process to figure it out. sometimes i just feel that some jerks not deserving any respect, since you show no respect to others, why should i?

don't you think that sometimes homo sapiens will act like homo inferensis? the dominant inferensis will always keep an eye on others and interfere whenever he feel it is necessary for him to do so. the funniest thing is, homo sapiens will do the exactly same thing as well. maybe the character is inherit and it is in the DNA of the kind. Darwin's evolution theory maybe is truth. genotype might overcome by phenotype, but i heeded that most of the time, someone just can't hold himself to be the dominant male. maybe he feels insecure and threaten by the newcomers. i wish not to fall into this category, or become a successor of Joanise Dickersen.

i yearn for a change in my attitude, seriously. i need to learn to bear with certain group of people whom i dislike. i used to walk away and vanished myself in the crowd, i judged the book by its cover. from now on, i should learn how to mix with this kind of people, maybe it is not their problem after all, but due to my own perception, i implied a wrong misconception on them. i should make myself visible to these people, not invisible anymore.

new eon, new changes. it is time for me to learn to shut myself off from somethings, and shut up my mouth when it is crucial. all the times i been having too much while time sipping through my fingers. it is time for me to burn both ends of the candle if i want to achieve my dreams. i should not allow myself to be an open book anymore. i should silent and mute myself, and be a slug, not a slut anymore. i will work for it, lets time prove it.